Man Eater!

Actually, Small Black-Haired Woman eater! I just went for a walk! And I almost got eaten by a people gobbler! I was turning the corner from Cheyenne to go up N 19th to start my hill walking. I was listening to my Ipod and everything was cool. I looked up and this tan dog with black ears was all alert and started to come down the sidewalk at me. About a block away! I though "AHHHHCCKKK, PIT BULL!" I am not actually sure if it was but it had that broad muscular chest thing going on. I gasped right out loud like a real puss. But then I remembered a story about my friends Heather and Chris. They were out running once when a pit bull charged them. Chris clapped his hands really loud and shouted, then the dog left. So, as I prepared to flee in terror, I looked at the dog, stuck my hand out and yelled "NO!" He stopped right away and turned his back to me! I still fled in terror, but at least I did not cause the dog to chase me. So, I go back towards my house but decide to turn up N 17th because, damn it, it was 8am and I got up to get some exercise! So, I am walking, taking deep cleansing breaths, when I see a thing laying in the road. It was white and looked like a plastic bag from far away. As I got closer it looked like a stripped button down shirt. It wasn't until I got right up to it that I saw what it really was. Gigantic boxer shorts. Laying in the road. They must have been a 44XXL. I could have made a bed with those things, if I didn't have to touch them of course. So, in the space of about 5 minutes I faced down death and then knickers. I'm thinking of staying inside the rest of the day.